I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
