So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
cat food counts as protein by the way
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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