my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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