If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
