You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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