Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
