In America we eat man semen.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
