just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Randomize
