According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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