i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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