I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
