Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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