I've blown a few things in my day
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
