Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
