new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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