that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Pants 0. Shit 1.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
