I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
