we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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