also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Randomize
