I smell stomach acid.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
