It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
