She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
