the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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