I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
