I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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