i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
My cat gives me a boner
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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