I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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