I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
