I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
