just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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