I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
