If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
