We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
