K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
