Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
why do cheetos always look like penises
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
