I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
