you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Randomize
