Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
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