you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
My feet surprised me
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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