What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I'm always down for nudity.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
