i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
