Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Randomize
