I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
