worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Randomize
