no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
apparently the secret to your success is patron
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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