I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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