You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
