Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
That's intense
i just wanna soil my oats bro
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize
