He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
