Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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