You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
