I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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