I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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