He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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