So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
