I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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