I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
